HILARITY IN A WORLD OF DISPARITY

JIHAD REHAB

NOW YOU’VE HEARD IT ALL

LISA RICHARDS

August 25, 2007

Apparently Hollywood fads are rubbing off on Islamic terrorists and Saudi Arabia. According to the latest news, if terrorists commit atrocities against humanity, i.e. massacring mankind by way of Islamic jihad dictated by their Koran, all one must do to make one self look fabulously good in the western world’s eye is enter rehab.

That’s right; Saudi Arabia has set up rehab centers to get Arab terrorists immediate help after complying with Islamic law and wearing their poor little bodies out killing nasty Christians and Jews.

After a good massacring of Christians and Jews, the killers of Koranical Canonical get to check themselves into special treatment centers—the Saudi version of Betty Ford—and receive help for their naughty slaughter of human beings.

If only Michael Vick had thought of hanging people versus dogs.

According to Saudi Arabia, their country offers special government-sanctioned programs in the provincial capital of Al Janderea to stop the naughty little terrorists from committing what Saudi Arabia wants the turban-toting loons to commit—bloodshed. And the program is supposedly helping these poor murderers of mankind to stop massacring now that they have already massacred their way onto heaven’s 72 virgin’s list of bad-boys-get-sex.

R. Kelly should have tried Islam; look at what he would have got versus the 13 year-old girl he might go to prison over.

All a Muslim must do to enter Saudi Rehab is whack Jews and Christians then check into a spa that, according to Saudi’s, gives the murdering thugs a second chance at life after they have destroyed as many lives as possible.

The snots of snuffdom receive “recovery” in a spa-like atmosphere with swimming pools, libraries—killers must be literate in how to build bombs; volleyball courts so the little snots can learn just how hard a hit it takes to break someone’s skull with your bare hands; gardens and leisure quarters to relax while thinking about how to kill more human beings after the three year stay in luxury.

Special doctors are staffed for therapy which includes reading—again, reading is important if one is to become educated in killing as the Koran teaches; a 12-step program with education on Islam.

Now why didn’t Bill “W” think of that?

According to Dr. Ahmad Hamad Jilan of the Saudi Ministry of Islamic Affairs: “We [the liars of lunacy] tell them [the terrorist killers of mankind] that they should give the right picture of Islam [versus the true picture they gave America on 9/11 and England on 7/7]. They should not kill or bomb or do anything against Islam [until those Jew bastards and Christian creeps have their backs turned].”

“Some Al Qaeda members just need an attitude adjustment,” say Saudi psychiatrists for the Interior Ministry. Dr. Turki Mohammad says; “It's important for us to give them [the terrorists] more skills, how to also learn from their experience [in killing all you Jews and Christians].”

Sociologist Hameed Kahaleel says his little terrorists had social problems prior to becoming jihadist; they didn’t know it was wrong to kill mankind even though that’s what the Koran wants them to do. And the rotten rogues of mischief realize just how wrong they were and understand they made a big, bad mistake and they want all of us to know they are repenting.

How sweet; kill and get therapy.

Kahaleel claims terrorists can be “reintegrated again into society,” and he has many success stories to prove terrorists can reform after they kill us all. Those examples Kahaleel noted “are in the universities” where they can blow our children up. And rehabilitated terrorists hold down jobs; real jobs. Wow. And they even marry nice Muslim girls who will beget them terrorist children. “So, this program has been successful in this area,” says Kahleel.

Is it just me?

One little snot-nosed snuffer of humanity named Ahmed al-Shayea is staying at the rehab center to receive help for his Al Qaeda ways. Poor little baby got most of his body burned and fingers blown off while blowing up innocents he wants annihilated. But take light; al-Shayea has something he wants the western world to know: “I would like to say to the American people that Islam forbids killing innocent people… No doubt, they [Al Qaeda] used me as a tool to kill innocent people.”

Awww, now isn’t that touching? It just pulls at the heartstrings al-Shayea wants to rip out.

Al-Shayea’s life-long boyhood dream was to become a suicide bomber. He was unemployed he said, and saw Al Qaeda videos that made him realize he had a purpose in life—annihilate the world. And do you know that poor little dear almost blew himself up while driving an explosive-filled tank in rout to blow innocents up in the Jordanian Embassy where he was successful in killing nine people?

Isn’t that touching? Don’t you readers wish you’re children would aspire to such high goals? Go smack that smart-ass kid of yours with the gall to study law and business.

Al-Shayea blames the internet for the reason he became a jihadist murdering thug. According to al-Shayea and other terrorists, the internet made them do it.

Al Gore, are you listening to what your invention did?

Oh and this is the best part, the Gitmo Bay detainees, released by the whiny McCainanites, get to go to Jihad Rehab and relax after that horrible stay on that sunny tropical island where they were forced to eat four-star meals. At Jihad Rehab the Saudi’s will make sure those meals are five star!

According to Fox News’s Jennifer Griffin; “The halfway houses are designed to show the West as much as anyone that they are taking the problem seriously. So far, the effort is trickling down.”

One terrorist on the pseudo-path to redemption wants all of us to know he strongly regrets what he’s done “because unfortunately instead of building Islam, I was destroying Islam.”

Again, as opposed to the destruction Islam dictates in the Koran by its freak hallucinogenic prophet Muhammad who commanded in the phony name of the phony pagan moon god Allah to go kill all the infidels [Christians and Jews] until every last one is dead?

Give me a break. Rehab for jihad. Do the Saudi’s really think we’re buying this load of manure? Well, apparently yes, because after Jennifer Griffin gave one report on the Jihad Rehab, news anchors did the oh-how-wonderful thing; what a great idea; hopefully this might be a start to the stop of Islamic violence; if this is a way to help stop Muslims from committing terror, it might be the answer. Yes, and last night I stuck my head in the oven, after I closed all the windows, just to see if I really can kill myself when turning the gas on and inhaling.

Word to Islam, if you really want to get yourself into rehab, call one another other faggots and homos, then chase your publicists in a high-speed car chases. It worked for Lindsay Lohan and Isaiah Washington.

www.lisa-richards.com

E-Mail: www.lisa-richards@lisa-richards.com

BRITAIN DECLARES EVEN THEIR COWS KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH

SO WHY CAN’T IMMIGRANTS IN THE U.S.?

BY LISA RICHARDS

August 29, 2006

On August 24, 2006, Reuters News service reported “Cows have regional accents, a group of British farmer’s claims.” Meanwhile in the U.S.; immigrants refuse to assimilate and speak English.

I’m not making either up; the cows with English accents story is for real. You’ll find it in Reuters.

Reuters actually sent reporters onto British farms to give an account of the cow-mooing linguistics phenomena. And what did they find? Cows with British accents—regional British accents mind you.

South Western British farmer Lloyd Green was the first Britain to notice cows in England speaking English in regional dialects. “I spend a lot of time with my Friesians and they definitely ‘moo’ with a Somerset drawl.”

I spend a lot of time with my Rottweiler and my two cats; the dog barks at air ruffling his ears and chases his un-lopped tail until thoroughly dizzy; as for the cats; one drinks out of the toilet—the dog refuses to disgrace himself in that manner—and the other cat rolls around in the basement mud puddles brought in by heavy rains until her long-haired fur is matted and filthy.

Meanwhile; all three are up for Ivy League scholarships to Harvard. The Dog is considering Princeton.

According to Lloyd Green; other Somerset farmers noticed their cows moo in English dialects further claiming; “I think it works the same as with dogs—the closer a farmer’s bond is with his animals, the easier it is for them to pick up his accent.”

So far my Rottie barks “Rurrrrrrrrrrugh!” That’s followed by hacking fits and something unpleasant for me to wipe off the floor. My cats whining is a little further advanced since they’re nine years old and the dog is only two in age. All though; my cats do watch Fox News and I swear I heard my filthy fluff-ball say “don’t be pithy.”

For the record; I grew up on a farm; we raised a lot of animals including livestock; I can state quite categorically the animals never squawked, brayed or anything animal with a New England accent. Yes we talked to the animals; farmers do that. We loved our animals—even those we ate—but none Dr. Doolittled to each other or my family.

Although I have my reservations about our Billy Goat named Billy; I’m pretty sure he brayed F*** off before kicking me daily across the barnyard.

If you think English-speaking cows is a joke—I know I do—the farmers in Somerset, England belonging to the group West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers actually got in touch with a phonetics expert at the University College of London. Professor John Wells claims there is “a similar phenomenon in birds. You find distinct chirping accents in the same species around the country.” Wells claimed the same for cows.

So basically what the professor from the University College of London is claiming; birds actually listen to our human conversations and mimic us. Ok; I’ll give. Mina Birds and Cockatoos speak languages; which brings a whole new meaning to Hitchcock. Maybe Tippy should have tried reasoning with the birds in a Bodega Bay dialect.

Professor Wells claims cow accents develop the way human accents do—by spending time in a region and listening to its occupants.

You mean like Madonna and her fake British accent?

Wells noted “the biggest influence on accents is peer groups—like children in the playground for example.” I guess that means cows are learning the “F” word from naughty cows living in low-class barnyards.

Wells went on to point out the tight-knit way in which cows live, not leaving their “community” as many people don’t which attributes to this fantastic dialectical rarity; going on to announce he needed to do more “scientific research” to prove cows speak in human dialects.

Gee; ya think?

If you think I’m joking; go to www.farmhousecheesemakers.com. That’s the Farmer’s of English-speaking cows web site.

I want to know why cows make the attempt to speak English and immigrants taking over the U.S. can’t say squat poo in English? If a cow can learn English; so can foreigners to America.

You’ll have to excuse me; it’s pouring rain today and my Rottie is knocking on the back door asking if he can come in, dry off and watch a little TV.

Copywrite August 29, 2006

GERMANY CONQUERS STUPIDITY

BY LISA RICHARDS

August 8, 2006

According to Reuters August 7, 2006 reports; Berlin scientists are “testing an anti-stupidity pill.”

Reuters reports German scientists are “very encouraged with the results on mice and fruit flies…and Dr. Hans Hilger-Roper, Director of Max-Plancks-Institute for Genetics in Berlin, Germany have been testing the anti-stupidity pill as a way to conquer hyperactivity, short-term memory and Attention Deficit Disorder. Hilger-Roper claims great results shown in the Vermin and bugs.

Did I read that news story correctly? Germany; the land which gave the world Hitler, Nazis and Volkswagens is trying to invent anti-stupidity pills? Am I the only person who believes they should have tried that prior to Hitler becoming Chancellor and Russia building a wall through the middle of their country? And since we’re on the subject; will this anti-stupidity pill remove the economics stupidity Germany has had since 1945, believing they are better off giving people life-long welfare rather than work which has destabilized Germany’s economy; rather than capitalism which made America wealthy and great?

If Herr Hilger-Roper wants to test his anti-stupidity pill; please come to America and give it to Hollywood. In Hollywood, popping pills is the norm; the good doctor won’t have a problem getting tinsel town to try meds; just call the pill drugs.

America needs the anti-stupidity pill more than mice and flies; we have a problem called liberal Democrats which is Greek for obtuse jackasses with their brains blown out.

If people think Volkswagens were weird, just look what liberals want; carnival-esque bumper cars run by the sun. Fine; build solar power cars; but what brainless idiot designs a car too small for Mary-Kate and Ashley? Why can’t liberal car designers make Cadillac’s, Mercedes, Lincoln Town Cars and Rolls Royce’s that run on solar-power? And not tiny luxury cars thank you very much; some of us need leg-room.

Only stupid people build carnival cars for the open road.

I assume the good Dr. Hilger-Roper must have tested his anti-stupidity pill on the German people with success since conservative Angela Merkel of the Christian Conservative Party who likes America and Bush and is siding with Israel defending itself against Hezbollah won the Chancellorship. Therefore; I feel stupidity pills would be the perfect drug for Hollywood and Washington; not to mention the White House Press Corps desperately in need of anti-stupidity.

Just think what the anti-stupidity pill could do for the one gallon per side silicone boobed, Botox inoculated, butt-lifted to their shoulders; face lifted to Himalayan heights; sun tanned till they’re orange and knocked up out of wedlock because it’s fashionable Hollywood. If Hollywood ever ingested anti-stupidity pills they might become, well quite frankly, me. That means well educated human with one’s well-developed brain intact.

Can the reader imagine anti-stupidity pills served up to Washington liberals such as Congresswoman and white-hating/Jew-hating/Black Panther supporter Cynthia Mckinney? If anything; the anti-stupidity might rectify the woman’s hair.

It is quite possible the anti-stupidity pill may have helped Jimmy Traficant understand shag rugs are for floors, not one’s head.

Just imagine the effects such a drug would have on jerks like Senator Ted the Scuba Diver Kennedy and John the Gigolo Kerry? At least a pregnant women would not have drown in a Senator’s; car and heiresses who marry Massachusetts imbeciles who marry for a living would have the brains to forbid their mooching husbands from wearing spandex Hot Pants in public.

America definitely needs anti-stupidity drugs for the 2006 race for the House and Senate and the 2008 race for the White House. Can logical, sane readers picture Nancy Pelosi controlling the House and Hillary “Romanov” Clinton ruling the United States? Soviet Russia is not my style; I hope it’s not the readers either; that would be insanity.

There isn’t an anti-insane and deranged drug yet; that's much needed for men who marry Liza Minnelli.

I consider it hilarious Germany is creating and testing anti-stupidity pills. It took Europe this long to realize they need that type of drug? A shrewd intellect—that’s English for human with a working brain—like myself has long stated America needs anti-stupidity pills for the liberal fraction of the U.S. in dire need of lobotomy’s.

Welcome to the twenty-first century where we now have drugs for imbeciles. Unfortunately, the drugs are being tested on mice and bugs rather than true idiots; liberals.

Copywrite August 8, 2006

TANTRUMS VERSUS TERRORISTS:

BOTH SHOULD HAVE BEEN DROWN AT BIRTH

BY LISA RICHARDS

July 19, 2006

25 thousand asinine Americans have been dwelling in the Lebanese desert sands since the early 1990’s. Don’t ask me why; I prefer not to live in a cat’s litter box; opting for my very comfortable antique home lavished with Chippendale antiques provided by my tasteful ancestors. I conceal my cat’s litter box beneath the dark basement steps where uninhabitable sandboxes belong.

Apparently, 25 thousand Americans have a predilection for crappy living.

Last week Israel rightfully retaliated against Lebanon’s terror organization Hezbollah for kidnapping Israeli soldiers, warning all American citizens to get out or risk being blown up. The U.S. Embassy went to work feverishly to find safe provisions for escape which was near impossible since all roads, airports and ports were sealed off preventing Hezbollah and other terror groups from leaving or entering Lebanon.

Did I point out the U.S. Embassy had a difficult task ahead providing safe passage out of Lebanon? I thought I did; I just had to make sure since Americans in the sands of sludge are insinuating America left them for dead.

That’s right; global whining has officially begun.

Today, July 19, 2006, Western cruise ships began loading Americans aboard safety on the seas. It wasn’t good enough for American passengers on board complaining America took too long in rescuing them. If that wasn’t enough; American whiny-assed whingers stated Western luxury liners were deplorable. The food was inadequate—the U.S. navy provided them with Chicken Salad sandwiches and M.R.E.’s. That’s terrible; the U.S. Navy fed our people!

Liberated Americans declared ships quarters unsightly; they deserved better.

You’ve been living in Beirut for fifteen years you bunch of self-centered, impudent jackanapes. Your families have been residing in a country which has 14 terrorists in parliament and you’re complaining that a weeks waiting for Western ships to carefully enter Middle Eastern seas in havoc is beneath your bratty, susceptible emotions?

I have an idea; go live in Saudi Arabia and let’s see how your wives and daughters fair in that loving, welcoming land of peace and prosperity.

One week is not long to wait when twenty three years ago a group of Americans waited 444 days for liberation from Iranian revolutionaries. Jimmy Carter never rescued the Americans; Ronald Reagan did. The 25 thousand brats of bitchdom ought to put themselves in the places of those kidnapped Americans and see how it feels to really be abandoned by an American president.

So now the salvage-from-the-sands Americans have officially become let-down martyrs of dissatisfaction.

Do me a favor; hold your breath until you explode.

The poor stranded dwellers and vacationers were fodder for the elite media which loves a whiny martyr. One family name Esseily spoke to CNN about how “orderly the British and Canadian cruise ships were; the American ships were still gathering to take people on board.” stated Monika Esseily with a sarcastic laugh. Awwww; poor baby; she has to wait her turn.

Mrs. Esseily was put out over the idea she should have to re-register to get ships passage. Yeah, so? She went on to say; “the Embassy had called one list of Americans to report for evacuation on Wednesday. But the manifest for the Oriental Queen was based on a different list of names that had been sent from Washington. I did hear one of the security guards…saying to this lady, ‘Ma’am, we know we called you, but please, the boat filled up faster than we thought.”

Apparently, that is not supposed to happen to the selectivity of superiority. I know how they feel; it just exasperates me to no end that I must be inconvenienced for two years waiting for my Hermes’ crocodile Birkin bag to be made. Oh the nerve of it all!

The Esseily’s said they had to wait in a long line in the heat in order to re-register; but had to return to their mountain home where they live. They don’t know when America will rescue them CNN stated. The poor family came to Lebanon because Mr. Eseilly’s ancestors are Lebanese and they wanted their nine month-old son baptized in Lebanon.

Am I the only person who thinks Americans who believe they must return to the land of their ancestors to baptize children or live there so they can absorb their so-called heritage are the biggest jackasses on earth?

You’re America; find an American church and dunk the kid in American water. Like God really cares.

These weren’t the only moaning grumbles; the Associated Press spoke to one ingrate from Kansas City, Missouri named Danni Atiyeh who griped; “I can’t believe the Americans, everybody else has gone home…we’re still here.” You’re still alive you ass.

U.S. Brigadier General Carl Jensen told the AP “more than 6,000 Americans will have been evacuated by the weekend.” Jensen also noted the U.S. Embassy in Beirut and the United States has not and will not abandon our people. “We’re assisting those Americans who choose to leave. Many are choosing to stay.” Jensen noted.

The U.S. Embassy in Beirut explained it doesn’t have the “experience” to evacuate 25 thousand people easily; the United States does; the security of the Americans in Lebanon and their safe travel to safe harbor out of harm’s way is the Embassy’s biggest concern.

Sounds right to me.

It isn’t right in the so obvious liberal minds of pathetic ignoramus’ who chose Lebanon over Florida for living, or Hawaii for a sun and sand vacation; the churlish, forlorn and forsaken want America to heed their demands before the very thoughts enter their lobotomized brains.

How ungrateful can any human being be? There are tens of thousands of black African slaves in the Sudan who would be willing to wait a lifetime for freedom; all are; there are women enslaved in Saudi Arabia who would give anything in their power to receive safe passage on a rotten row boat on high seas to get away from the clutches of their captives; and a bunch of ingrates who chose to live in an unstable region undergoing a not so peaceful peace process complain because it’s taking a week for Western Ships to bypass bombs in order to enter Beirut’s harbor.

Why is it fortunate and free people act like they’re the people enslaved, starving and suffering under the grips of Islamic rule? Free people with everything at their fingertips never thank God for what they have; rather curse him and America because what they have is simply not up to their demanding expectations.

Get a life.

Copywrite July 19, 2006

OPRAH’S NOT GAY:

NOW THE WAR ON TERROR CAN RESUME

BY LISA RICHARDS

July 18, 2006

Her Royal Highness the Queen of Narcissistic know-it-all Oprah Winfrey has announced to the world today she is not gay.

Everyone take a deep sigh of relief; you may all go back to your lives now.

Oprah Winfrey and long-time gal-pal Gayle King declared they’re not lesbian lovers; they are the best of friends, have been for thirty years plus years and love to call each other four times a day to discuss work and girl-stuff.

Oprah stated America is not used to seeing women as close, life-long friends; especially single women past the age of 40 who have never been married She told the press; “our culture” is foreign to the idea of devoted female friendships and considers women who are close friends for so long to be lesbians.

Since freaking when?

I have four best friends, one of whom is my mother; and the other three who are mother, daughter and Grandmother are also best friends to each other. Since when is that culturally unrecognizable? Since when is having best friends unheard of in society; and what society other than the liberal echo chamber of Hollywood does Opray Winfrey exist in?

Has Oprah ever heard of Elizabeth and Mary or Rebecca and Sarah? Does she remember Jackie Kennedy and her sister Lee Radzwill’s close friendship; how about those Hollywood midgets in desperate need of Tailoring Mary-Kate and Ashley? What about the Bronte sisters? And no; they were not lesbians because they were spinsters; could you find a man—a normal, sane man—in those Moors?

What about Wilma and Betty? What about Trixie and Alice, Lucy and Ethel, Louise "Weezie" and Helen, Loralei and Rory? Let's not leave out those "Steele Magnolias;" they stuck to each other unto death. Is "our culture" going to declare those girls lesbians?

New England author Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.”

Friendship is not a “gay thing;” it has nothing to do with sex; friendship is loving people as if they were your own family, your own flesh and blood. Some times friends are flesh and blood, sometimes not; at times more so given that some families are insane and beyond capability of loving, let alone liking one another.

Oprah Winfrey knows this; everybody without their self-centered and egotistical head up their fat ass knows you’re not gay because you have friends who are like sisters or brothers. Anyone fortunate enough to have such relationships as I do will tell you they are blessed to obtain such great and dear friends.

While we’re at it; does anyone give flipping flatfish about Ms. Superficiality’s facetious worries about how “our culture” perceives her? How many reading this thinks the mock-journalist of exploitation needed publicity for another pet-project and dictated the story herself?

Thank you. Enough said; now get on with your lives; Oprah is officially a straight/non-gay/unmarried black woman in a world of misunderstanding.

Copywrite July 18, 2006

NEXT TIME HE IS GOING TO HOLD HIS BREATH TILL HE TURNS BLUE

BY LISA RICHARDS

July 13, 2006

The man responsible for starving millions of Iraqis to death finds skipping meals a detestable ordeal unfit for his body.

In February of this year, dictator extraordinaire Saddam Hussein decided to go on a hunger strike. He was protesting the “ill treatment” he was forced to endure in prison.

Oh, poor baby; he’s been forced to live in a prison cell lacking gaudy gilded furniture and 1970’s disco era chandeliers. How dare the courts treat a murderer that way.

Well Saddam showed them; he starved himself for three whole days, so there.

On Friday June 23, Saddam decided he would show the world how unfairly he was being treated by starving himself once again. Oh, he showed those evil judges persecuting him daily on the witness stand because he massacred upward of two million human beings.

Hey, two million people can get on your nerves; sometimes you have to shut the innocent, starving, raped, tortured whiners who think they deserve humane treatment, up.

On the twenty third of last month, Saddam Hussein officially began his protesting hunger strike. A few hours later, after skipping one meal; Saddam Hussein officially ended his hunger strike and ordered a meal.

Apparently the Sultan of starvation doesn’t like being hungry. I hear his people found starving very difficult; it killed them.

This is just another round of lunacy in the trials and tribulations of a snot-faced psycho who no longer gets his way.

Unfortunately, Saddam didn’t receive what he truly aspired to; Star Magazine’s list of way too thin celebrities in danger of starving themselves to look good.

Rumor has it, Al Sharpton was so distraught over the ill-treatment Saddam is receiving—being forced to eat three square meals a day while living comfortably in a clean cell and wearing clean cloths;—Sharpton is quitting his hunger strike of daily soup sloughing in support of Cindy Sheehan’s anti-war protest and gorging himself at every Popeye’s, Shoney’s, Bob’s Big Boy and Waffle House in America.

As for Saddam; he is now threatening to eat Pork.

Copywrite July 13, 2006

IT JUST DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS

BY LISA RICHARDS

June 30, 2006

Before we go any further—and no pun intended considering what you are about to read—I swear I’m not responsible for this incident.

According to Reuters News, on Wednesday, June 28, 2006, Pakistani doctors removed a fully intact, unbroken light bulb from a Pakistani prisoner’s anus.

Again, for the record; I did not shove a light bulb up an Arab’s ass despite what I write about Muslims. I would love to do that to Saddam, Usama, all Gitmo detainees, al-Qaeda and every Muslim militant on the planet; but I did not get the pleasure to say I did this.

Yes, it’s true, a Pakistani prisoner had a light bulb up his butt; and what’s crazier is; the jackass in question had the object of light up his rectum and did not realize it until he had stomach pain.

Now, call me an ass, but I would think stomach pain would be the last symptom one would feel when something made of glass has been used for an enema.

According to the prisoner serving four years for making liquor—Muslims are not allowed to drink alcohol or make bootleg. I think that makes them Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons—“When I woke I felt pain in my lower abdomen, but later in the hospital they told me there was a light bulb in my anus…I don’t know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners.”

Apparently, Pakistani prisons must be serving alcohol, because you would definitely have to be drunk off you ass in order for someone to shove a light bulb there and you not know about it.

The prisoner claims he must have been drugged.

Either that or he said yes to an asinine dare and got what he deserved.

Doctors stated the glass bulb was completely intact, making the surgery needed to remove the bulb easier than it would have been had the light bulb shattered once it was implanted.

This is not a joke; AOL News has this on their news site along with x-ray photographs of the fully implanted light bulbed butt.

I just want to know how many watts his ass is.

Copywrite June 30, 2006